i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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