i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
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