dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
