The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
