your thong is hanging out like whoa
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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