Porn is love you can see.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
