Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Randomize
