Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
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