You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
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