also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
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