I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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