I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
