my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
