i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
ttyl tear gas
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
