so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
