i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
how does that bad decision feel?
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
