well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
