its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
