My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Randomize
