There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
