I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Randomize
