I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Randomize
