i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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