Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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