I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
