Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
