Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Have you finally orgasmed yet?
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
