He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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