This girl is more easily done than said...
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
