I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
