The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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