I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Randomize
