**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
