$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
i dont even know how to be here
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
