Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Can I color on your dick again?
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Randomize
