Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
