can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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