Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
