Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(425): View more from Washington

Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.

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(313): View more from Michigan

Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.

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(770): View more from Georgia

If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.

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(845): View more from New York

Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen

(845): View more from New York

That would be so convenient

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(502): View more from Kentucky

Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!

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(301): View more from Maryland

A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.

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(217): View more from Illinois

You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.

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(303): View more from Colorado

i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"

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(305): View more from Florida

I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door

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