you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I intend to get homeless drunk
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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