have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
