Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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