I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
