What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I got her a Nickelback box set.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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