Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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