So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
