did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
