i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Randomize
