If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
