There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
