HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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