Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Blood and glitter go together right?
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
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